Appa....

My Appa was probably the fittest I have ever known, seen and if you met him you would never have imagined that he would be sick.....he was this tall, strong and a person with abundance of energy. But it happened...one Thursday afternoon.. he was dead.. as cold as ice and as rigid as wood...he was goneeee. He was in his 40's only. It was THE darkest day of my life. I remember amma trying to wake him up as my bro and I were standing next to her not knowing if this was really true, so eager was our eyes to see him wake up...but he didn't and never did he wake up.....by that time he was far far away...flying with the beautiful angels...gone with a 1-way ticket to heaven. I remember my mum collapsing...we were scared and we were crying as if the skies fell upon us... neighbors were the only solace at that time, having family back in canada.......one by one many came in...but appa wasn't waking up...someone called up the emergency and they came by and took him away...that was the last time he slept in that bed oh his, in our house... I was still having hopes that he would come back alive...I never thought he was dead...state of denial....I thought he was in some coma and that he will come back all smiles telling us that it was just a micro-sleep...instead later that night.. he came back but in a coffin...I remember not being able to comprehend that he was actually no more... he was gone, never to come back...just like that.

All I have now is his memory..they are more than beautiful memories...I remember my father's beautiful grin...his 1 sided dimples that i inherited..the fair skin...the tall handsome guy that everyone used to admire...the smile that warmed many hearts...the hands that helped a thousands...the heart that was made of gold...how he never said No to anyone who came in search of his help...the way everyone respected him...the social animal he was...the times when he would come in his bike to pick us up from school...the way he patted my shoulders every now and then...the way he used to encourage me to help people...the way he used to sit on the sofa between me and my bro and hugged us both with his strong arms...the way he used to sing with his beautiful deep voice...his signature...the talented artist he was..his incredible sketches and paintings he did.......the way he used to be so proud of me when I did well in exams... how he encouraged me in singing....the way he used to attend every Prize Giving in school, sit there and clap not only when I got on stage but for every other prize winner...the beautiful dresses he bought me on my bdays...when he used to laugh aloud even the watchman can hear....his sense of humor....how we used to watch war movies together...how he admired Clint Eastwood and Sean Connery.....biggest Micheal Jackson fan he was( think he had most of his records) how he used to take our dog and us for a nice walk every morning to the beach.... the arugambul juice..tennicoit....times when he used to go ballistic with mum...the way he drove me to my friends' bday parties...the way he asked what's for dinner...how he combed my hair.....the way he beamed at me when I came home from school...how he always looked good...his fav Crocodile t-shrits (as i call his Polo shirts coz they had this small crocodile thingy in them)...how he chilled with his friends over a beer or two...how he always wanted to know what we did and if everything was ok...his love for good music...times he played cricket with us...how games we played when there was a powercut.. the entire colony wud land up at our house for his entertainment....how he used to bring yummy take-away especially for my mum since she was a restaurant junkie...the way he really enjoyed life no matter what till his last day on Earth...the way he used to be there...just be there...what happened to you that afternoon appa?

This too shall pass !

What’s that pearl of wisdom which stays relevant for all times to come? What’s that philosophy which looks beyond happiness, joy, sorrow, pain, success, failure?

Once a king called upon all of his wise men and asked them,  “Is there a mantra or suggestion which works in every situation, in every circumstances, in every place and in every time. In every joy, every sorrow, every defeat and every victory? One answer for all questions? Tell me if there is one?”

All the wise men were intrigued by the King’s question. They all got together and spent hours thinking about the question. After a lengthy discussion, an old man suggested something which appealed to all of them. They went to the king and gave him something written on paper, with a condition that the king was not to see it out of curiosity.

Only in extreme danger, when the King finds himself alone and there seems to be no way, only then he can see it. The King put the papers under his diamond ring.

Some time later, the neighbors attacked the Kingdom. King and his army fought bravely but lost the battle. The King had to flee on his horse. The enemies were following him. getting closer and closer. Suddenly the King found himself standing at the end of the road – that road was not going anywhere. There was a rocky valley thousand feet deep. If he jumped into it, he would be DEAD. And the enemy’s horses were following him. and…the sound of enemy’s horses was approaching fast. The King became restless.  Then suddenly he saw the diamond in his ring shining in the sun, and he remembered the message hidden in the ring. He opened the diamond and read the message. The message was – “ THIS TOO SHALL PASS ”

The only thing that is permanent is impermanence. No matter how sad you are in the night, the dark night will end with a sunrise. The Japanese have a beautiful expression ‘Mono no aware… a beautiful yet melancholic appreciation of the transient nature of life. Celebrating The impermanence of life.

If you are struggling right now with a heartbreak, feelings of sorrow/desolation, or  that aching feeling of saying bye to a loved one at the airport/railway station, remember ‘This too shall pass.’

There’s no greater truth than this. 

Pebbles

A very simple logic that runs through my mind
A very hard truth which is equally hard to grind
is that world that we are possessed by
is unfaithful to everybody who is alive.....

And we still have faith in it despite
Our logic that doesn’t fit in the given attire
And I wonder what is it that’s mine
irrespective of all the knowledge and quagmire......
And I wonder how do I know who is mine
irrespective of this cycle of death and life.......

A sinking feeling then makes me realize
the depth of simplicity that I have taken in hand so easily
A negative feeling, in me that balloons inside,
then feels the pressure of the positivity in the air outside..
But it keeps soaring high in the sky
And I wonder when the balloon would deflate into nothing…

The complexity has churned nothing out of my head
And to contemplate upon what they and I said
has lost its charm as it doesn’t seem to help!!!!
So what do I do? Others say that I should take some rest
and spare them from the torture of  the whips of the simple and the complex!
But I say someone would foresee, someone would understand
The need to mull over the seen and unseen, heard and unheard, fought and abandoned..

Well I suggest that this complexity is an exercise to understand the simple
And our logic and thoughts are nothing but ripples
that arise out of some disturbance, good or bad, in our lives..
So let’s just sit quietly at a river bank, under shade of a tree
And drink the beauty of those ripples appearing, swimming, and disappearing
caused by nothing but by pebbles of those moments…

All the way to the roots!

The rustic smell of an old page exists

Those so called underlined emotions run deep in mind

Altough you long to free them forever,

They still hold you tight and never depart

Oh the Sound of those old temple bells

Beautifully rings somewhere way too close

So how far we have come along

I should say that the hide and seek always continue

That soft touch of an old palm still hurts

Completely removing maladies, that it planted smiles

Oh boy!! Growing together they taught me love

And it never left..It grew ! it just grew my love!!

Echo

Life is an Echo

Whatever you send out - comes right back
Whatever you sow - you reap
Whatever you give - you get
Whatever you see in others - exists in you

Life is indeed an Echo, its like a boomeranit always gets back yo you

Oh the Joy of "Moaning"

I never liked optimists(maybe not). I just don't trust them. People who always see the positive only in everything cannot be human. And even if they are, they must be truly miserable as they deprive themselves of this marvelous opportunity to moan (yeaaaahaa). They also strike me as shallow, unable to see the bigger picture and question everything. And my god, you should question everything in life.

Often moaners are labeled as negative pessimistic people, who can’t enjoy life. This couldn’t be more wrong. As a misanthrope, I personally take great pleasure in complaining about all the stupid and annoying things/people I encounter every day. Not only I enjoy the process of it, it also creates the strongest bond possible when you hate the same things. Seriously, think about it, if two people enjoy the same things that’s nice to hang out, but when they are annoyed by the same situations they immediately become best friends and are inseparable. They can spend hours talking about things that do their heads in and feel perfectly happy. I truly believe that ultimately everyone is looking for a person they can share these beautiful moments of moaning with, because it is a real indicator that they are comfortable with each other.

Among other things questioning everything helps to manage your expectations. If there is one thing life and Tollywood cinema have taught me is that you should always expect the worst; it will never let you down. Then whenever you get a letter saying that you owe the government 3000 USD for no other reason than a complete lack of brain and rational thought from their side, you’ll just shrug, give a deep sigh of fatigue and deal with it. But if you are always joyous and bubbly, a situation like this would shock and anger you, you’d cry and wring your hands in a very theatrical manner. DARAAAMAA.

So being negative at times isn’t that bad after all, at least it prepares you for all the misfortunes of life. And those who see the bright side should stop shaming us for being ourselves.

Amen

To my future me

To my future me,

I hope you stand for yourself just as I have taught you now. Be the person you always wanted to be. Be strong, Be compassionate. Don't give up on your dreams. Don't give into your fears. Don't hold on to the people who didn't believe in you, been dishonest or lied to you. Just ignore and move on. Let go of the people who didn't choose you. Be successful but don't choose money over love. Don't take the easy way out. Fight your way. You have done it before, you are doing it now and in future if circumstances arise fight then too.
               Hey future me, I love you, no matter how stubborn you act, no matter how lazy you be at times, how emotionless you show yourself to be. Don't wait for anyone to complete you. Go out, drink wine, watch movies and take a break from time to time. Be with the guy who sees the light inside of you. Kiss him goodnight every single night. Never forget to tell him how much you love him and that how much goodness he has brought in your life.
              I hope you laugh your heart out. I hope you travel places, feel the green wind and beautiful blue waters. I hope you dance around your living room to your favorite song and call up your friend to catch up. I hope you take a stroll out on rainy days just to smell the rain. Wear the kind of  dress you want and go to a party. I hope amidst all your busy schedule you always find time for your small family. I hope you return home to your kids everyday and ask them how was your day.
              Be happy dear. Let only a few people's opinion matter rather than the entire world's. Find these people and keep them safe. Be good. Make a difference. Always give a helping hand to the ones who need it. Don't give up on people. Don't give up on your faith and never leave hope. I wish  you get over your pain and forgive your mistakes. Share your burden my dear. And ever you feel you are getting lost come back to read this letter.
              Hey future me, be that person with whom I will fall in love a million times.